Over the summer of 2023, I interned at an AI startup in Menlo Park, California. I purchased a gym pass to the YMCA a few miles away in Palo Alto. On my daily commute back from the gym, I biked past an old elderly couple smiling and laughing as they crossed the street together. It was a scene I saw countless times biking around the well-off suburban area full of retirees. But that day in particular, something struck a chord within me.
As I turned my head around to look back at the couple, I imagined what it would feel like if that was me crossing the street. A flood of questions entered my head that I had never considered before. If I was old, what would make me smile the way they did? Who would I be spending my extra time with? Do I still spend time with my high school and college friends? How sad would I feel to hear that my childhood friend had passed? Would I still have deep conversations with my friends in the middle of the night like I do now?
I started to think even deeper. If I didn’t have a family or children, what purpose would I have to live? Even if I did, I wouldn’t see them all the time, so what would make me wake up in the morning? With my career long gone, what incentive do I have to drive me forward? What would I be spending my time on until the day I die? My parents have often told me to save money to retire financially free. But what would be next if I did?
I have never had this conversation with anyone who’s reached this point in their life. My paternal grandparents lived in Texas by themselves in a senior home for 20 years, their main source of company being each other and their church friends. After they moved to live in Maryland with my family, they still primarily only have each other. When I spend time with them, they are always happy to feed me with their cooking. But, I always wonder what happens after I leave. What do they do all day? What purpose do they live for?
I often wonder what my perspective on life would be if I did, either by talking my grandparents, neighbors, or volunteering at a senior home. But alas, I don’t have the insight to answer any of these questions. It’s a scary thing to think about. What does it mean to be old? What is left after a life lived?